7 Key Points for Providing Effective Couples Counselling

This article shares seven key points about providing effective couples counselling. These may be beneficial for clients or counsellors to review before entering into couples counselling sessions. The first key point is the ability to join with couples and manage a three-person type of relationship where there are empathic connections. This coincides with a second key point, which is to focus on the relationship as a unit and translating communication between the individuals to assist with clearly understanding the sending (intention) and receiving (or interpretation) of messages. The third key point is that building a commitment to therapy is important for both individuals in the couple relationship. Otherwise, one partner may be ambivalent or resistant to the process. It’s wise to identify and alter vicious cycles to change negative interactions and patterns in the couple relationship. This may appear in different forms, but often involves a demand-withdraw cycle with an over functioning and under functioning partner. Sometimes this may involve mapping out thoughts and feelings that drive behavior. A fourth key point is about shifting from blame to focusing on self. Couples often blame each other for problems, and this can lead to becoming stuck. Each person may contribute to problems, but they can’t control or change the other person, only themselves. So, what can each person take responsibility for within their own way of thinking, feeling, and acting? A fifth key point is that strengthening care and cohesion in a relationship is essential. Whether distance has been created to avoid conflict or for other reasons, it’s helpful to reconnect through enjoyable and pleasurable activities that involve caring for one another. A sixth key point is that a more severe mental health condition or psychopathology may be present in one or both people in a relationship. When this is the case, there are special considerations for encouraging care and treatment for that may fall outside of the role of the couple’s counselling therapist. These issues can have a bidirectional influence on both partners, especially if it involves substance use. A seventh key point is that managing emotions is integral to working with couples. Emotional vulnerability may improve the couple's relationship, whereas inappropriate expression of or repressing and constricting intense emotions can be potentially damaging to a relationship. When emotions run high or escalate, the counsellor may need to interrupt the interaction to give space for a calming period to cool off. Recognizing flooding and taking a time out can make a significant difference for couples. The same goes for practicing speaker vs. listener roles and non-violent communication styles where neutral observations, feelings, needs, and requests are expressed. Finally, the key points and takeaways are that attending to couples in counselling therapy is a complex skill that requires developing empathy and respect for both individuals and the couple as a unit. It also requires developing advanced communication techniques as a listener and speaker. Being a sort of detective for uncovering themes, patterns, and cycles is an ability that is developed over many years. Once identified, the therapist must become familiar with ways for the couple to ready themselves for change and shifting from a position of blame to a position of self-responsibility. Throughout, it is common sense that love and care are central to all healthy relationships. The impact of managing emotions is especially powerful. This is about the openness or constriction that individuals in a couple may have learned from their childhood relationships with parents and caregivers. This plays a major role in the escalation or reduction of conflict cycles. While it seems simplistic, it is profound to learn how to interrupt patterns of conflict by noticing sensations in the body and taking space to cool down before re-engaging. This can be a pivotal moment for change and creating more successful long-term relationships.

Sources

Fehr, S. S. (2018). Introduction to Group Therapy: A Practical Guide, Third Edition.

Routledge.

Patterson, J., Williams, L., Edwards, T. M., Chamow, L., & Grauf-Grounds, C. (2018). Essential

Skills in Family Therapy, Third Edition: From the First Interview to Termination. Guilford

Publications.