Dealing with Inclusion and Exclusion for Equality in Relationships

This article addresses how dealing with inclusion and exclusion can bring equality into our relationships. Inclusion and exclusion are part of our learning in the original triad, which we were a member of. These concepts deal with our sense of feeling included or excluded in the three-person system with our parents or caregivers. Because there is a constant shifting of two-people interacting while a third member is observing, we experience inclusion and exclusion at different times.

Inclusion is when we experience being included in the interaction with another member of the triad. Exclusion is when we experience being excluded (as an observer) of the other two members of the triad.

This learning about inclusion and exclusion also relates to having greater or lesser sense of power in the triad relationship. At certain times we may feel loved, and at other times we may feel rejected. These experiences shape our thoughts and feelings about being in a triad. We derive a sense of meaning based on our experience of being included or excluded.

The counsellor’s role when dealing with inclusion and exclusion is to assist the clients involved with understanding and becoming aware of any distortions they may have created from their learning about the experience of inclusion and exclusion in their original triad relationship. The distortions may have led to developing a low self-esteem because the person created the belief that they were less powerful, less lovable, or rejected by others in the triad.

Equality of personal value promotes an equal relationship of value between the counsellor and clients, and between each member of a triad. It is not hierarchical. It also distinguishes between positions (roles and tasks) and personal value.

Equality of personal value can offer a couple (or any two people) healing when they are able to experience an equal relationship of value, regardless of their roles. They can also experience healing through the nurturing of inclusion and exclusion in triadic roleplaying with a counsellor. This can lead to a balance of the You-Me-Us three-person relationship.

In counselling, transforming the experience of inequality of personal value in the triad, to constructive action with equality of personal value that promotes inclusion, is one of the most important therapeutic experiences a couple (or any two people) may encounter. The counsellor can help clients see their value and worth as equal members of the triad, despite whatever differences there were in the roles or positions when pairing off occurred.

Sources

Brothers, B. J. (2013). Virginia Satir: Foundational Ideas. Routledge.