Distinguishing the Types of Violence in Couples & Family Counselling

This article discusses the importance of distinguishing between the types of violence that occurs within couples or family relationships in counselling. To begin with, this is important because it can affect how to approach treatment with the parties. Safeguards like a no violence contract may be needed. Or the focus may need to be on addressing power and control in a relationship that is abusive and oppressive to the other person. Some therapists may overlook or fail to detect domestic abuse and violence, which is a barrier for counselling and healing.

It’s important to distinguish the types of domestic abuse and violence because there must be a commitment from the individuals to stop the behavior. The therapist needs to understand which partner is engaging in abusiveness or aggression, or if both are engaged in it. They must encourage both people to take responsibility for the behavior and to recognize that abuse or violence is not part of a healthy relationship. This position by the therapist will likely interfere with the therapeutic alliance with at least one partner, usually the aggressor.

There must be a discussion with the aggressor or perpetrator, about how stopping the abuse or violence is in that person’s best interest. The perpetrator needs to understand how this behavior not only damages their relationship with their partner, but also puts them at risk for involvement with law enforcement and the criminal justice system.

If the therapist determines there is a commitment to stop the behavior and it is safe to do therapy with both partners, then the focus can be on reducing risks for abuse or violence and promoting safety. Time-outs, self-soothing, anger management, safety plans, reassessments, and revaluation of the situation are all important interventions while continuing therapy.

Finally, if the therapist determines that the violence is "patriarchal terrorism," then doing couples or family therapy would be advised against. The goal would be to encourage both parties to seek individual counselling first. One person may do individual or group therapy for perpetrators and the victim would be encouraged to create a safety plan and get additional support resources with the option of a referral to a shelter for abuse and domestic violence and/or legal aid.

Sources

Fehr, S. S. (2018). Introduction to Group Therapy: A Practical Guide, Third Edition.

Routledge.

Herman, J. L. (2015). Trauma and Recovery: The Aftermath of Violence--From Domestic

Abuse to Political Terror. Basic Books.