Encountering Resistance and Intimacy in Counselling

This article discusses the experience of encountering resistance and intimacy in counselling. Resistance is an interpersonal response to being confronted with thoughts or feelings that create anxiety. Counsellors can experience countertransference issues with clients who seem difficult, resistant to counselling, or stuck. It can leave counsellors perceiving clients as responding negatively and remind them of when they're too invested in an outcome or seeing changes and progress before the person is ready. Instead, it's worth trying to reset and step back from the attachment to an outcome. Even though it’s difficult at times, it's possible to see resistance as an important moment in counselling; a sign that there may be unconscious conflict that is too painful or uncomfortable to yet deal with consciously. It usually means we are getting closer to a core issue or underlying problem. Resistance creates space for intimacy when a person’s defenses and the repression of anxious and uncomfortable emotions are softened. It’s through resolving conflict and unpleasant issues, that resistance to change diminishes and allows for embracing more intimacy and authentic connection. Often, we are unaware of our own resistance. Sometimes resistance is presented in subtle or indirect ways that are difficult for us to accurately detect. Sensitivity and perceptiveness are ideal in these situations. Eliciting and reinforcing resistance in people is considered an essential task for counsellors, so that the clients can become more aware of it. The way to do this is by addressing topics that create emotional stimulation and responses. These are usually topics that may generate uncomfortable feelings. The goal is for the client to become aware of it as a block or barrier to what they really desire. Counsellors are wise to ask themselves how resistant to change they are and how comfortable they are with intimacy toward themselves and others, including clients. The answers to these questions will tell a lot about whether they can encourage intimacy and a softening of resistance in individual or group counselling.

Many of us would like to think we are comfortable with intimacy and eager to participate in change. Yet, there are many situations we encounter where we may feel resistant to intimacy and change. This might be when we're faced with confronting or revealing our most vulnerable, exiled, shamed, hurt, or angry parts that have not been fully accepted, healed, or integrated.

Facing into our own resistance and welcoming changes that bring a new sense of intimacy can be a beautiful experience. This push-pull dynamic is part of the unfolding journey and process we discover throughout counselling. Resistance and intimacy are intertwined together. Without one, there may not be the other.

Sources

Shebib, B. (2019). Choices: Interviewing and counselling skills for Canadians. Pearson.