The Temperature Reading and How it Works for Couples

This article introduces the Temperature Reading, an intervention for couples that was developed by American psychotherapist Virginia Satir. It's a way for couples to take time each day to connect with each other, while also learning and practicing the skills of communication. It is intended to increase self-esteem and intimacy in the relationship.

In this daily practice, couples set a time and place to talk and check in with each other. Each person takes a turn to share while the other listens and receives what they hear. The five parts or categories of the Temperature Reading are: appreciations, complaints with recommendations (and worries, concerns, irritations), Puzzles (with confusions, questions, rumors, gossip), New Information, and Hopes and Wishes.

Appreciations are an expression of feedback that provide positive energy that honors the other person. It involves warmth and a sense of specialness for the other person. Topics of appreciation might include the things that feel good and that they like in the relationship.

Complaints express something about how a situation could be improved, with possible suggestions for solutions. It gives an opportunity to share about things that may not feel good or seem safe to share in the relationship. When these go unexpressed, it usually results in negative interactions or discharging that escalates into more conflict. This is a vulnerable way to communicate fears and worries so that divisiveness doesn’t interfere with intimacy.

Puzzles may involve sharing new information that needs to be explored and cleared up to understand certain situations or events. It’s an opportunity to make meaning out experiences that otherwise aren’t clear. The naming of these things also is a chance to ask for what one needs in the relationship. It reduces feelings of uncertainty and confusion.

New information is content that can be shared to recognize something important in the relationship. There is freedom in sharing these new things, making decisions about them, and addressing any spoken or unspoken rules in the relationship.

Hopes and wishes may include dreams that each person has about their life or the relationship. It’s an opportunity to share a vision of what is possible and be heard. In this exchange, each partner in the couple can be better prepared to support one another. These are the wants and desires that we carry with us, that merge into relationships.

Sometimes there are issues that come up within these five categories that require more time to process and resolve. With 10-15 minutes each day to express and receive the topics in the five areas, there doesn’t leave much time to get through them all. So, it can be helpful to flag topics that require more time for extra attention.

The Temperature Reading works when the couple agrees to a set length of time and a place for this activity. It could go longer than 15 minutes and extend into 30 or even 60 minutes. It’s beneficial to have a quiet space where couples can give their full attention and avoid distractions. Getting grounded or centered and connecting with touch first sets the stage for a calm presence before exploring each of the five themes.

Finally, it’s recommended to use “I” statements for the person expressing their thoughts and feelings. The person receiving is encouraged to respond by identifying and acknowledging what they heard, validating it, and integrating the information. Integrating can be done by transforming problems into opportunities for offering a possible solution that can be agreed on. The closing of the Temperature Reading is a last step where the couple can discuss how to improve their process together and schedule the next time and place for the activity.

Sources

Brothers, B. J. (2013). Virginia Satir: Foundational Ideas. Routledge.