Ways We Get Stuck and How to Move Forward in Counselling

This article shares about some of the ways we find ourselves getting stuck in counselling, with suggestions on how to move forward. One of the first things that comes to mind is when we feel ambivalence about change. Sometimes ambivalence comes up when our familiar way of being and doing things is most comfortable. In this situation, we simply may not like the uncomfortable feelings that start to emerge when facing change.

In other situations in counselling, there may be outside factors that are barriers to change for people. This could be anything related to getting basic physical (food, shelter, sleep, clothing) and safety (security, employment, resources, health) needs met. Or it could be related to getting higher level needs met, such as love and belonging (friendship, intimacy, family, social connection), esteem (respect, status, recognition, strength, freedom), or self-actualizing (achieving our creative potential and purpose).

It is natural and expected that most of us will feel resistance when we are confronted with the change needed to reach our goals in counselling. Resistance is any behavior which may interfere with the change needed to achieve a goal. This is driven by fear of newness, the unpredictable, loss of control, and uncertainty.

Other ways we might get stuck in counselling include when there is a mismatch between a counsellor's goals and the client's goals. This is where it's really important for counsellor's to listen carefully and tune in to the client's identified needs and goals. Counsellor's need to be able to set aside any goals they see as important for the client, if it is not aligned with the person's choices, values, and preferences.

Similarly, getting stuck can occur when there are problems with the counsellor and client matching their level of directness in communication. Directness can involve direct advice and instruction on how to change, versus a more indirect approach that bypasses resistance. If the counsellor is reluctant to intervene to assist with focusing or keeping topics on track, this can also result in becoming stuck. Sometimes it’s necessary to redirect the conversation or offer interventions like normalizing, reframing, or amplifying what is heard and understood, so that progress can be made.

A lack of conceptual clarity can also contribute to becoming stuck. This can happen when the content being discussed in counselling becomes more important than the process of changing how people relate to one another. After all, counselling is a relational process. This also deals with how intentional or consistent a counsellor is being in applying counselling theories to a client's situation. Change and acceptance can also be sources of getting stuck if people have unrealistic expectations about change or ways to cope with problems (solving vs. managing). An example of this is when a client expects the counsellor has the power to fix their problems or to quickly resolve a difficult experience they're having with their thoughts, feelings, or behavior.

Countertransference may come into play for counsellors who experience strong reactions in their feelings, desires, or behaviors with clients. When this is encountered, it’s important for a counsellor to address with a supervisor, so that it doesn’t interfere with the therapeutic relationship and the potential for becoming stuck in therapy.

Cancellations and no-shows are also sources of becoming stuck in counselling. These situations must be acknowledged and evaluated since they effect the interpersonal and relational nature of counselling. The meaning of these situations and events are worth considering and exploring with clients. Sometimes they reveal underlying concerns or uncomfortable feelings not being addressed by clients. It can disrupt progress and reveal issues around motivation or stability. It can also be difficult to get family members or the other partner in a couple relationship to show up for sessions as well. There are a variety of possible reasons for this, which may or may not be related to something that is clinically relevant versus just a practical constraint, such as transportation or work scheduling issues.

Last, but not least, the way a counsellor handles secrets with clients and dealing with clients that they dislike, plays a significant role in contributing to becoming stuck or hindering progress in counselling therapy. These are some, but not all of the ways we can find ourselves getting stuck in counselling. As a client or counsellor, if you ever feel stuck and are not sure how to move forward, it should always be welcomed and encouraged to initiate a conversation about what you're experiencing, so that both parties can acknowledge it and decide on the best steps forward for creating change.

Sources

Shebib, B. (2019). Choices: Interviewing and counselling skills for Canadians. Pearson.